i’ve taken to drinking an iced coffee every afternoon. i’m relying on the placebo effect, since it’s all decaf these days. but caffeine or not, there is just something so satisfying about coffee.

last week was a bit on the rough side. the wee one suddenly decided she preferred the newborn schedule of waking up every three hours at night. she also decided there was no need to nap during the day. by the time the weekend rolled around, i was ready to flop myself down on the floor and sleep for days. and glory be, on sunday afternoon i actually fell asleep on the sunlit bed, with josiah next to me surfing the interwebs, and aveline snoozing peacefully in her crib.  when i woke up two hours later, i was utterly confused at the foreign feeling of restfulness, but deliriously happy.

it’s amazing what a little sleep can do.

and now, it’s tuesday afternoon and she’s napping. napping, people!! (in this new world of parenthood, a baby napping is an epic joy — something to be celebrated. i’ve celebrated by showering and eating a proper lunch.)

and you know? this new life is beautiful. even the chaos is beautiful, because it’s not a chaos of strife or contention. no, it’s a beautiful chaos. like the lapping waves of the ocean, it’s constant motion; changing always yet the sound is a steady rhythm. the scattered blankets and washcloths and teething toys on the floor of the living room are like the stones and shells scattered across a sandy beach. there is no precision, but it’s all beauty. there is high tide and there is low tide, there is the scorching high noon sun and there is the charcoal darkness of the new moon. but it’s life, it’s all life, pulsating with love and punctuated laughter.

and we are sitting here, joy-filled, holding our precious baby and reveling in the spray of the ocean air. our hair is wild with the wind and the salt, our eyes looking onward, looking forward, our hearts firmly planted in joy and hope and peace.